I wanted to share an e-mail I was given by my good friend Megan. She sent it to me last year after one of my bawl sessions t o her. It's really hard to express the way I feel about having a son with autism but this little story sums it up perfect.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
byEmily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
byEmily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
17 comments:
Loved that story then and still love it today. I'm glad you shared it with the blog world.
What a great find from Megan. It's a beautiful story...
Love you. BIG hugs....
Love it. Thanks for sharing, Abbs.
Abby, Thanks. What a beautiful story. I think of all the people I know you are one of the best at enjoying Holland and Italy. Thanks for being such an inspiration.
I always love that story. I look at it weekly to remind me that things will always be ok!
I'll have to remember that story and apply it to my own life (in a different way of course). Thanks for sharing it. I can tell you are the perfect person to be Joseph's mom!
Wow, I love that. Thanks Abby and Megan for sharing that.
Holland isn't so bad! ;o)
Abby- I am so glad you put this up! Love it! Love you!
Stacey
My friend from my old ward shared that thought with me when she had a son born with Down Syndrome. I think it's beautiful.
I have tears right now. So beautiful. You are amazing Abby, you know that? Miss you.
This was shared on a message board I was a part of a few years ago and it really expressed how I felt in a way. But, here we are, a few years into it and man, Holland is the new Italy, isn't it? We now have so many amazing moms (and dads) here visiting with us and all learning the lingo and the culture. And what an amazing culture it is!! I am so profoundly grateful for being sent to Holland first ~ (and also Italy with my little doll Emma), and I wouldn't change a thing because it has changed my life for the better. And as they get older and continue to heal, we can appreciate Holland all the more....and then we will also get to go to Italy one day with them, don't you think?!?! Small steps forward each day....
That's beautiful!
I am always amazed at the things you are doing for your family! You are really fighting for Joseph!
Thanks for sharing that email Abb! I've never heard that before, and that will for sure stick! Love you!
one of my favorites. Holland is awesomer than anyone gives it credit for. give lance shalae's number. i've been giving him a hard time and i showed her to him the other day. i've been helping him plan some dates. yeah!! maybe this should have been a private email oh well. delete it.
That is a beautiful story and you are a wonderful mom to Joseph and John and Todd (just kidding, but you're doing a good job with Todd, too. Ok, now is this the Lance I know (from the last comment? Who is Shalae? I want in on this!
Love, Grandma
Beautiful story. It does make you feel like you understand a little bit better. You are an amazing woman!
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